I Want to be My Own Inspiration

I'm the type of person who is always looking around for other people who have lost weight for inspiration.  They are "success stories".  I'm always thinking...man, I want to be one of those people.  I want to do that.  I wish that was me.  Well, I want to be my own success story.  I want to be my own inspiration.  I can easily be one of those people if I do what I already know I need to do.

This morning I had to take a picture for Win, Lose or Blog and this is what I saw:

Goodness, I look smaller than I feel like I look in the mirror.  I wasn't sucking anything in and I don't have any equipment to alter photos to make myself look thinner.  I think I look pretty bloody fantastic.  (Sorry about the "bloody"...it's a habit from reading too many British books lol!)  Although, I think  the size of my body looks great in this picture...I'm still trying to figure out why.

I know it really makes no sense to wonder about this, because I've been working hard.  I'm honestly puzzled though.  This is not what I see when I look down at my body or even when I look in the mirror.  I had to run and take a quick check on my belly button and hip measurements and they have indeed gone down in just two weeks.  My head still isn't wrapping around this picture though.  When I look at myself in the mirror or down at myself I think I see about 20 lbs more than this picture shows. 

I'm not an emotional person, but at the moment I want to cry.  There are two reasons:

1- I'm a little upset the self image I have of myself is so messed up.  if this picture is what I really look like, why am I not seeing it?  What's wrong with me?

2- The more I stare at this picture, the more I realize I AM DOING THIS!  I mean I know I've been making changes and I know the scale has been going down, but this picture is just.....WOW.  It's my "aha moment."  I AM DOING THIS!

Even while typing this I keep scrolling up to the picture asking "Is this really me?"  I don't have anything close to a flat stomach, but this shirt used to be tight and showed all kinds of stomach rolls.  I just don't know.  I really don't have anything else to say.  I'm just a little in awe...my mind has not caught up to this picture yet.

              

This isn't a song on my workout list, but I'm kinda feeling like an All-Star

Smash Mouth - All-Star